Shine A Light

Perception is Reality

On The Edge Of

The question is not, 'Should you conform or rebel?' it's, 'Why do you even feel, in the first place, that life must involve doing what others demand of you?" This year, you get a chance to free yourself from a thankless task; a duty performed out of misplaced loyalty and an involvement that is becoming a life-sentence. Always let your conscience be your guide. But don't let it be your prison guard.

Corpse Paint

I think that I am on to something big. I feel change in the air. Sometimes a few simple words are better than a thousand. I am making a commitment to post on this blog every single day, in effort to find some progressive continuity in my life. If you ask what the significance is, I'd say that now that I've put it out into the universe, I can't very well take it back. Things are changing; perception is changing.

Cottleston Pie

While sitting on the banks of the P'u River, Chuang-tse was approached by two representatives of the Prince Ch'u, who offered him a position at court. Chuang-tse watched the water flowing by as if he had not heard. Finally, he remarked, "I am told that the Prince has a sacred tortoise, over two thousand years old, which is kept in a box, wrapped in silk and brocade." "That is true," the officials replied. "If the tortoise had been given a choice," Chuang-tse continued, "which do you think he would have liked better -- to have been alive in the mud, or dead within the palace?" "To have been alive in the mud, of course," the men answered. "I too prefer the mud," said Chuang-tse. "Good-bye."

Omnipotence

Omniscience

JUST LET US BREATHE!

YOU'RE KILLING ME?

CAN'T YOU SEE

LET US BE

SET US FREE

Psychedelia changed my life.

THIS TREE'S GO'N' KILL YOUUU!

Bitch, you better run. Fast.

This tree ain't got no roots - and it's coming for you.

Last Snowstorm of the Year

Left and Leaving

Midday darkness

Dear Winter...

You are dead to me.

Know why? It's the last day of your shitty season and there are only hours left!

Don't get me wrong, I know you are necessary in our climate and I try not to complain when you are gracing us with your presence. I do enjoy you, but only for a short time.

Ahh, spring is in the air, and I love it.

There's lots to do this season, and I'm looking forward to it.

Well, see you in about 8 months. Feel free to come a bit later.

(No more of this please.)

July

I'm going for a drive to the lake.
Good night.

Dear friend,

You'll never read this.
You probably shouldn't.
You probably don't believe in this technology.
But you should know that the short time we spent together changed my life forever.
You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
You would probably brush it off.
But maybe it would make your heart smile deep down inside.

You inspired me and continue to inspire me every day.
We don't talk much but that doesn't stop me of thinking about you and how you would view me.
Your opinion is still important to me.
You help keep me in check.
I wish that we could've spent more time together but things don't work out for a reason.
You make me push myself harder than anyone can.

It's always strange when you connect with certain people.
It's unexplainable.
But then again, that's life.
It's never to be known why it happens.
Chemistry?
You can study my brain for waves and my nerves for electrical impulses but it doesn't explain why the heart feels the way it does.
For this reason, you make me believe that we all have souls and exist not just in human form, but also in spirit.
I would give anything just to see you smile.
I would give everything just to hear your laughter.
Just to see that little sparkle, that little light flickering in your eyes.
I care about you even when I know I shouldn't.
I will continue to do so perhaps forever.

You were placed in my life to teach me spirituality, to recognize good and evil.
To experience friendship and quality versus quantity.
To help me realize that time passes quickly and to never let my inner child die.
When I look back to a short year ago, we found one another on a night like any other.
A year later, I now know what I want out of life.
To be lucky enough to meet someone like you ever again will be a great blessing.

There are some things that you have shown me and I view them as your mistakes.
From your shortcomings and unfortunate mishaps, I was able to learn not to follow that path.
I was seeking direction when I met you, and universe willing, I got it.
There are things I wish I could've done differently, but at the end of the day, if I am happy, I will take it with open arms and an open heart and keep smiling into tomorrow.

I look up to you, and I look up to very few.

It's theurapedic to write you a letter that you'll never receive.
It doesn't matter that you'll never read it.
It's out now, and everything I say is the truth.
I think sometimes you might be able to tell how much I care about you.
I think sometimes you might just care as equally back.

Thank you for your guidance.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for the direction.
Thank you for your advice.
Thank you for your criticism.
Thank you for your long phone calls.
Thank you for the adventures.
I'll never forget them.
Most of all, thank you for being you.



Love from your friend...

Breaker

Our bodies break

And the blood just spills and spills

But here we sit debating math

It's just a shame

My hand just kills and kills

There's gotta be an end to that

There's gotta be an end to that...

ZINE

Hey,

I'm thinking about starting a zine. I just read one that a girl made about being misrepresented and underestimated as a housewife. It was informative, a window into the soul; also neatly packaged up with cool fonts, expressive phrases and cute retro pictures. Although I have not been in a housewife-type position (yet), as a female in today's society, I can understand her plight.

I don't know what my zine would be about. Is following a theme a common thing in the zine world? Probably, mostly everything follows a theme of some sort. I have some ideas - I usually always have ideas. You'd probably agree if I told you about them. Or saw some sort of outcome from them. My problem is never acting on them. I think I might impulsively start a zine as an act of rebellion against my shitty lethargic habits. There. Maybe I found a reason.

Now what to write about...

The wheels keep grinding and turning.

P.S. - Tonight the monkey dies.

SPEEDHAMMER

Poor girl is getting old...

I just drove my car this evening for the first time in a couple of months. No problems yet, just needs an oil change and to fix the speakers. The thing is, now that I know I can survive and be happy without it, I don't really miss it - driving or paying ridiculous amounts of money to crooked oil and insurance companies. I wasn't excited to drive it today, which is kind of a bummer. It's just gotta last me the summer now...

Someone kill me

I'm bored at night school.
Bored bored bored.
I finished my project, therefore I am sitting in the computer lab. Doing nothing.
I could be making pizza with my pals Ally, J.R. and Kyle.
But no. Here I sit.
Bored.
Waste of time.
I'm sick of staring at a computer screen.

On the up, I did get my car (a.k.a. shitbox, a.k.a. speedhammer) back on the road today. That's got its positives and negatives. My brakes squeal, rusty from sitting for a couple of months (don't worry, I won't die). It runs a tad rough, but it runs surprisindly better than I thought it would. This time I hafta be smarter about spending money on driving though. I'm tired of having nothing to my name and barely scraping by. Don't get me wrong, I really don't give a shit about money, but it would be nice to be able to pay my bills without worrying every month. I have that horrible habit of spending little amounts of money on nothing that add up to a lot at the end of the month. Food, entertainment, other regrettable items. My new goal is to not have buyer's remorse. That means not putting myself in situations where I spend above my means and then regret not having money for things I care about. That'll be a tough one. It seems like it makes no difference at the time, but when I go through my expenses, ooh boy, does it add up!

Oh and no more free rides fuckers. Get your mamma to drive you places if you don't wanna pay up.

I'll post pictures later.

Peace.

Nighttime/Anytime (It's Alright)

(That's How You Sing) Amazing Grace

I knew this girl when I was young
She took her spikes from everyone
One night she swallowed up the lake
That's how you sing Amazing Grace.

Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace

It sounds like razors in my ears
That bell's been ringing now for years
Someday I'll give all away
That's how you sing Amazing Grace.

Oh can you hear that sweet, sweet sound?
Yeah I was lost but now I'm found
Sometimes there's nothing left to say
That's how you sing Amazing Grace.

Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace
That's how you sing Amazing Grace.

Reminiscing

You'll have to excuse me. I was just caught up thinking about a daring trip I took in July 2008. You may here me talk about it, although most people probably don't know I ever attempted it. I still think back about it and smile. Last July, my best friend, my little Neon and I tried to make it out to the east coast. We left here at 1:30am. We were destined for P.E.I., decided along the way after stopping in Cornwall after sunrise. My car is far from reliable, and my friend at the time had a broken leg. I didn't get any maintenance done to the car before we left. I just had a raging sense of adventure and not much else happening. We had about 3 days to make the 40 hour trip there and back. No one knew we were gone. And while my little beater was rolling to a stop somewhere along the Autoroute Jean-Lesage Highway 20 out past Quebec City exactly 12 hours after leaving Niagara, I was still managing to smile because I was far away from here. After deciding the only thing to do was to turn back towards home, I knew that repairs were necessary. Three repair shops later and $900 spent on a new fuel pump, we were heading back home.

I just remember little things from the trip that hang on to the corners of my mind and make my mouth water with longing to do it all over again. Bypassing the entire GTA in an hour and a half thanks to leaving in the dead of night, the hills and valleys of the north shore of Lake Ontario, the witnessing of ecosystems changing, signs warning of moose on the highway in Quebec, quiet and gradual sunrise through early morning fog, seeing destruction of forests near Kingston from acid rain, having some of the best conversation and mental breakthrough of my life, the feeling of driving on roads I've never been on, the list goes on and on. Don't ask what I was thinking, because you probably don't want to know. And don't try to convince me that it was a bad idea, because although I agree in some respects, I had my reasons for going.

Kingston sunrise on an uphill climb. One of the only photos taken on the entire trip. Taken with my cell phone. Camera battery died. July '08.

Kensington Market

Home away from home.